I am appalled to be 60, but have to get on with it now. In many ways I still feel that I am 16 and can't have learnt much in between. Two benefits are a senior railcard and the prospect of about £200 per month local government pension. Disadvantages are many and horrific and to do with sliding faster and faster away from the young people whose lives light up the world. But then it's up to me to stop sliding.
Rik sent a beautiful bunch of roses and lilies in an enormous box. Catherine gave me a lovely long M&S jumper and scarf, and took me Christmas shopping in Buxton. She steered me through several purchases and supplied other ideas, but soon I found I just couldn't cope with all the choices and people and prices and shops; I screwed up with panting breath and hammering heart and had to leave off shopping, and then the train was cancelled... Being screwed up over shopping was just stupid. Later this evening it was her turn to get upset with much better reason over feeling so ill for so long: nothing seems to control the stomach discomfort and the acid reflux that spoils every meal. Five days in, the gluten-free diet hasn't had any result yet, but she has unexpectedly got an appointment for endoscopy on 22 January - a lot earlier than we expected, but it means she must go back to eating gluten until she is tested, which may mean increasing the damage.
One positive development is her application to spend a few weeks at Corrymeela, a place I found inspirational back in 1977. They replied to her enquiry with only 3 - 4 days' delay, and sounded both nice and interested in her; at least, they encouraged her to complete her application, which she has done with care and thoughtfulness as usual.
Friday, 14 December 2012
Saturday, 8 December 2012
Saturday 8 December 2012
Catherine has been waiting nearly four weeks for attention since the doctor told her the latest blood test showed positive for coeliac disease and she'd need an endoscopy to confirm it. Meanwhile she is meant to continue eating gluten-containing food so that the reactions they provoke will show up on the tests. But these foods produce the nausea, tummy pains, fatigue, bloating, etc that have been plaguing her for months. And she has just learnt - probably because I spent a good deal of Tuesday going in and out of the surgery and ringing them - that the waiting list is 14 weeks. So we have decided to go gluten free for a while and see if it makes a difference. Reading about it has confused me as to the difference between wheat intolerance and coeliac - some see them as a continuum as the symptoms are very similar, but apparently the causes and mechanisms are quite different. She seems to cope really well with work, considering how poorly she feels, though it's getting insanely busy, and from behind the till it seems that Christmas shopping aggravates everyone's worries and irritations, which get taken out on the sales assistants.But what gets Catherine down, besides feeling unwell, is the lack of definite plans for the months after the M&S job ends. So worries trundle on.
Sunday, 18 November 2012
Sunday 19 November 2012
Catherine is well into her job at M&S, learning to work patiently and methodically under pressure from growing Christmas queues, and to withstand the fussy or supercilious shoppers and the one who regularly turns up at 5 to 6 for a full trolley shop and ends up at her till at 6pm while the other staff wait to lock up in a semicircle behind her... But I wish as much as she does that she didn't feel so ill for so much of the time. The M&S job will last till 5 January, but CSV haven't come up with a placement for after that, and though she does have several good ideas there is still the uncertainty, which has been nagging away for six months now and is bound to exacerbate the IBS symptoms. I think I perpetuate it too by joining in with the worrying.
Dave ruined a ramble today by losing his temper at Di when her dog tripped him up in a bog. He swore and refused to walk with her; I rounded on him ; he totally failed to understand that whatever the rights and wrongs of the case, shouting at people ruins everything and toleration holds us together. Though if it had been a child knocked over in the bog, I'd have been angry too. When I told Catherine later, she just laughed and said he probably deserved to fall in the bog.
Dave ruined a ramble today by losing his temper at Di when her dog tripped him up in a bog. He swore and refused to walk with her; I rounded on him ; he totally failed to understand that whatever the rights and wrongs of the case, shouting at people ruins everything and toleration holds us together. Though if it had been a child knocked over in the bog, I'd have been angry too. When I told Catherine later, she just laughed and said he probably deserved to fall in the bog.
Tuesday, 23 October 2012
Tuesday 23 October 2012 M&S
Catherine has been at M&S two days now, on induction, and loves it. Everything is planned and orderly; you have defined responsibilities and work within the limits; there are procedures for handling everything from frozen foods to complaints; there are policies on bag re-use, recycling and avoidance of waste; even the black stock-issue trousers are designed with loops for clipping your name-tag to and a pen-sized pocket for carrying your pen. What Dave would see as over-regulation and the death of initiative, Catherine welcomes for its sense of security. The training is full and systematic; everything has been thought of. There is always someone to ask when you need advice, and they're happy to be asked. They welcomed her as part of the team right from the start; everyone is friendly, whether aged 17 or 70; she likes everything from the security checks to the eco-friendly waste disposal system to being able to get a cup of tea from the breakfast bar on arrival; in other words, she fits in well and gains poise and confidence all the time.
Saturday, 20 October 2012
Saturday 20 October 2012 Shapira
The film maker Yoram Sabo, Andrea his agent/facilitator, and his cameraman, another Yoram, arrived from London about 10.30am. I'd been prowling for an hour and a half, straightening pictures, wiping table, sweeping leaves, not to speak of the spring cleaning Catherine and I inflicted on the whole of downstairs yesterday (about time too; the worst was realising that if I were a proper housewife I'd be doing it every week). I tried very hard to pretend the camera wasn't there and concentrate on the conversation, but in many places self-consciousness won, leaving me as incoherent as I feared I would be. I wasn't prepared for the questions to turn to my book and my relationship with my father, nor to The Sacred Mushroom and the Cross, and I didn't defend him nearly as well or clearly as I might.
But on the Shapira issue, it soon became clear that there is lots I - and JMA - didn't know about the man and his story, whereas Yoram is completely hooked on following up the leads, step by tiny step. Trouble is, they lead to more questions, not answers; eg where is he buried, and why don't we know - are his grandson Francois Perrault Harry, or his daughter Myriam Harry, hiding something?
But on the Shapira issue, it soon became clear that there is lots I - and JMA - didn't know about the man and his story, whereas Yoram is completely hooked on following up the leads, step by tiny step. Trouble is, they lead to more questions, not answers; eg where is he buried, and why don't we know - are his grandson Francois Perrault Harry, or his daughter Myriam Harry, hiding something?
Thursday, 11 October 2012
Thursday 11 October 2012 CSV progress
Catherine's been to Birmingham for her CSV interview - at last, after applying in June and spending weeks fretting because she hadn't heard from them, except to be told each time she enquired that they would contact her in due course, ie fobbed off.
And now they say she's unlikely to get a placement until January. Despite this, she came back feeling a lot more positive, because now she can plan what else to do instead. The best idea seems to be to stop fretting over CSV until after Christmas and apply for a full-time short-term paid job, particularly with M&S, who are actually advertising for Christmas staff, and probably Debenham's, WHS or similar as well. Also, for the first time in 3 or 4 weeks she got through most of the day without feeling ill (we have now hit on food intolerance, as a possible cause of her chronic digestive problems, and need to check the idea out with a GP).
To update - she was offered the M&S job on the spot after a demanding interview - 29+ hours a week up to 5 January, which makes everything seem more positive.
And now they say she's unlikely to get a placement until January. Despite this, she came back feeling a lot more positive, because now she can plan what else to do instead. The best idea seems to be to stop fretting over CSV until after Christmas and apply for a full-time short-term paid job, particularly with M&S, who are actually advertising for Christmas staff, and probably Debenham's, WHS or similar as well. Also, for the first time in 3 or 4 weeks she got through most of the day without feeling ill (we have now hit on food intolerance, as a possible cause of her chronic digestive problems, and need to check the idea out with a GP).
To update - she was offered the M&S job on the spot after a demanding interview - 29+ hours a week up to 5 January, which makes everything seem more positive.
Monday, 10 September 2012
Monday 10 September 2012 - a weekend of big walks
Two big walks have kept me outdoors during all daylight hours this weekend - a 26-mile challenge walk on Saturday across the Staffordshire Moorlands, followed by the Edale Skyline with Roy, Jill and Janet on Sunday. This is a classic 18-mile route from Hope, with stupendous views all around of green sweeping valleys and the distant march of hills. Drunk on the sunshiny breeze that moulds the skin; feeling long and lithe after so many hours' walking; feeling at one with the countryside and, for a change, with one's body...
Catherine spent Saturday evening serving 190 fish-and-chip meals at a wedding somewhere glamorous near Ludlow; then all Sunday doing burgers, hot dogs and mountains of chips at a family fun event + dog show in St Helens. "People kept buying sausages just to give their dogs. £2 a sausage - OK by us. One man, who was drunk, insisted he was 6' 5" tall and wanted to buy his height in hot dogs. He kept coming back trying to give us money but we wouldn't or couldn't serve him."
Catherine spent Saturday evening serving 190 fish-and-chip meals at a wedding somewhere glamorous near Ludlow; then all Sunday doing burgers, hot dogs and mountains of chips at a family fun event + dog show in St Helens. "People kept buying sausages just to give their dogs. £2 a sausage - OK by us. One man, who was drunk, insisted he was 6' 5" tall and wanted to buy his height in hot dogs. He kept coming back trying to give us money but we wouldn't or couldn't serve him."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)